Denial
by veritaserumkills
Summary: Marlene McKinnon was not the kind of girl who cried over boys. Or the type who cried over anything, really. But especially not boys. She did not she pine after them, nor did she spend countless hours thinking about what could be, and especially not what might have been. And so, naturally, when a boy began to occupy her brain more than most others, she panicked. T for language.


A/N: Hello! I'm sure half of you reading this are wondering why it's not another chapter of _To Kingdom Come_ or_ One More Time_. Firstly, I am nearly finished with the first chapter of the former and putting the latter on hiatus **for the time being**, as much as I hate to say it. I intended to do a lot of writing over the summer, and I did...just not for my fics, unfortunately. I've been doing a lot of digging in the Marauders Era and roleplaying, which has inspired a million and a half drabbles that have nothing to do with my other fics. This is one of them.

In addition to updating TKC very, very soon, I'm also starting on a project which will be my first ever Marauders Era story. Fingers crossed it goes as well as I hope it does. So keep an eye out for that if you enjoy this little tidbit.

AND IF YOU HAD NO INTEREST IN ANY OF THAT, I APOLOGIZE! Now, on with the show!

* * *

Marlene McKinnon was not the kind of girl who cried over boys. Or the type who cried over anything, really. But especially not boys. She did not she pine after them, nor did she spend countless hours thinking about what could be, and especially not what might have been.

And so, naturally, when a boy began to occupy her brain more than most others, she panicked. She avoided the truth for as long as she possibly could. Throwing herself into school work, playing wizard's chess with anyone who would volunteer, and staking out the Gryffindor Quidditch team's practices were distracting, but not quite distracting enough. Halfway through a chapter, the face she knew far too well would pop up in her mind's eye. She could hear him now, teasing her for spending so much time reading these days. And then she would think up a snappy retort and the brightest of smiles would grace her lips. But then she would realize what she was doing and slam the book shut before running off to find her friends and declaring gobstones war.

When distractions stopped doing their job (or, rather, when she realized that distractions were never going to do the job she wanted them to do), Marlene began to brainstorm ideas as to why she might _really_ be thinking of him. Because she obviously didn't _fancy_ him. It was just...well, he was away from school now, and she was used to seeing him almost every day. And she knew, though no one had confirmed her suspicions, that he had gone through with joining the Order. She was obviously worried about his well being, and she had every right to be. She'd known him for years now, and she had always considered him to be a good friend of hers. Yes, that had to be it. He was out of her sight, and that was why she was worried about him, as opposed to people like James and Sirius.

But the worrying didn't explain the things her body started doing when he startled her at Hogsmeade in October.

"Not funny," Marlene whined as she stared down at the shattered jar she'd dropped upon hearing his voice for the first time in months.

"All I said was 'Hey, Marlene.'" Gideon Prewett continued to chuckle as he pulled out his wand and repaired the broken glass with a simple wave. "Where's everyone at?"

Marlene pouted. "Is that all I'm good for? Directing you to other people?" She didn't even think before she said it. Not that she really did much thinking before speaking anyway. But for once, she wished she could take the comment and stuff it back into her mouth where it came from.

Gideon appeared to be confused. "No. But you usually know where everyone's at."

"You make me sound like a busybody."

"That wasn't my intention."

"It better not have been."

Gideon shook his head and picked the jar of cockroach clusters up off the ground.

"Why don't we just go and find the rest of your crowd, yeah?"

Marlene pursed her lips and nodded. But she snatched back the jar. "I'll just put this back," she mumbled, turning away before he could comment on how pink her cheeks had become.

Several months passed and as they did, Marlene's problem became progressively worse. By the time she left Hogwarts for good, she was almost positive that she was going to have be locked away in an institution. She had to be insane. It was the only logical explanation as to why Gideon was on her mind day after day. Well, it wasn't the _only_ logical explanation, but it _was_ the only one that could be _true_. Because Marlene absolutely did _not_ fancy Gideon Prewett. Even when he showed up at the platform with her brother to help escort her home, she refused to be impressed. No matter how many times he stopped by the McKinnons' home, no matter how many times he made her laugh, and no matter how many times he was able to make her smile without even trying, Marlene refused to admit what was blatantly obvious to the rest of the world.

One night that July, he stopped by when she was home alone. "My brothers aren't here," Marlene informed him.

Gideon nodded and looked away. "I'm not here for them."

Marlene couldn't help but be intrigued. "Oh? What do you need, then?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Me?" She crossed her arms. "Alright, talk."

"Out here?"

"Do you want to come in?" Gideon shook his head. "Then what the hell are you complaining for?"

"I'm not-Marlene, I fancy you."

"Oh." Her reaction was obviously not the one he had expected, but it was the only one she could give. It had suddenly become much more difficult to ignore that other explanation, the one she had been repressing for at least a year now. The one that she'd thought couldn't possibly be true. She came to her senses after a few moments and realized that she'd just left him waiting. "I see."

Gideon's jaw dropped. "You _see_?" He looked around, as if he was hoping the right words would appear from behind one of the shrubs. "Is that really all you can say."

"I...I don't...yes?"

Gideon snorted. Marlene had never known him to have a quick temper; on the contrary, he had always been very laid back. But at that very moment, she could feel the frustration radiating from him as he stared her down.

"You fancy me, too, don't you?"

"Absolutely not."

"You're shitting me."

"I'm not-"

"Say it then," Gideon commanded. "Say you don't fancy me. I want to hear it. If you're rejecting me, at least have the bloody decency to do it properly so I can move on with my life."

"I...well..."

Marlene McKinnon was not the type of girl who lied to other people.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Possibly."

"Now you're just-"

"Yes."

There was a long pause as Marlene considered what she had finally admitted to herself after months of denial. And that she had just admitted it to Gideon as well.

"Well, shit."

Gideon couldn't stop smiling. "I knew it."

Marlene snorted. "Shut up. You did not."

"I did."

"You did n-"

She stopped speaking as Gideon's lips pressed themselves to hers impatiently. Marlene couldn't resist a single moment longer. When she finally pulled herself away, she swayed for a moment before leaning back against the door frame.

"My brothers aren't home. Did I mention that?"

"You might have."

"Do you want to come in?"

Gideon laughed. "Do you invite strange boys into your house often?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Trust me. I'm not the type of girl who invites boys inside often." Though, as she said that, she realized it didn't really matter. She didn't know what kind of girl she was anymore. Nor did she care.

* * *

Marlene McKinnon was not the kind of girl who cried over boys. In fact, she wasn't really the type of person who cried over anything. But she especially did not cry over boys. She did not she pine after them, nor did she spend countless hours thinking about what could be, and, most importantly, what might have been.

And so when she found herself lying in bed one day with tears streaming down her face, she was disappointed in herself. She was disappointed that she had let herself get to such a point. And she knew that Gideon would have been disappointed in her, too. She wasn't supposed to be moping over a boy, no matter how much he had meant to her.

His pillow had triggered her this time. Marlene had rolled over that morning and her nose had landed right in the middle of Gideon's pillow, which was still encased in the sheet it had been in the last time he'd slept on it. She tried to remember when that had been. Then she realized that it had been a full week. And the tears had come without any further provocation.

Most days, it was easier to pretend that nothing had happened. She could easily convince herself that he was still running errands for Dumbledore. He would be back soon. Sometimes, the illusion lasted so long that she had time to slip back into her dreams, the ones where he was by her side, alive and well. But reality could only be kept at bay for so long, and now, Marlene was finding herself at the task she had been dreading most. But she would have to do it, more for him than anything else.

Marlene sat up and wiped as many tears from her face as she could. Once she was satisfied, she climbed out of bed and walked over to the window. She pulled back the curtains and blinked against the blinding sunlight that greeted her. It was time to be human. Time to accept what had happened and to make herself better for it. She hated the very idea. But it was all she had left. She went about her business, getting dressed and brushing her hair as if it was going to be another normal day. She made her side of the bed. She couldn't bear to look at his. But that was alright. One day, she would.

After all, Marlene McKinnon was not the type of girl to waste away over boys.

* * *

A/N: Since this is my first attempt at First Wizarding War fanfiction, I am desperate for (constructive) criticism and feedback. Reviews would be super helpful. Hope you enjoyed it!


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